SNAPDRAKE

still alive, from the long gone days of myspace and neopets

  • THE CIRCUMSTANCES OF ONES BIRTH

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    I have a theory:
    What if there’s a Pokemon that’s actually a Digimon.

    Let me explain.

    Everyone who’s ever played a Pokemon game has seen this guy in their adventures. It’s in every gym, and even shows up in games like Pokopia. No one knows what it is. Maybe it’s a really small Dragonite, or a Kangaskhan with wings. Maybe it’s just something that’s gone extinct.

    I think it’s something that’s kind of like the Digimon Wanyamon. It’s an in-training level Digimon (one of the little headblobs with a tail) that looks like a blue cat.
    None of that is why I think these two are similar.


    Wanyamon is a compilation of data about small pet animals. Its name is the Japanese onomatopoeia for a dog bark and a cat meow, and its behaviors are very. Well, pet like. Be nice to it, and it’ll be your buddy.
    Not important to my theory, but there’s one in one of the games, and he’s called Pete. I think that’s pretty great.

    Anyways, I hope you’re beginning to see where I’m going with this.
    The internet exists in the Pokemon world, and it is used extensively for both research and storage of individual creatures.

    I don’t think the statue is a Kangaskhan or a Dragonite or something extinct, but the data of many, many Pokemon, condensed into the concept of one.
    It will have come up in research with increasing frequency, and Digimon are known to manifest in the real world from time to time. It could have been seen once or twice, leading to it being assumed as an extinct but real species. There’s enough data on time traveling Pokemon to explain away the age of the original statues.

    This is the extent of my theory thus far. I will continue to think on it.

    I think it should be called Pocketmon.

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

  • WHAT EVEN IS A BOOK

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    How do people write books? Non fiction ones specifically.
    I understand how, right. You put words in the right order, and people want to read it.
    I understand it more with regards to fiction books. You’re telling a story! From your brain! People like being told stories, that’s pretty easy to market, and to ask your friends to read.

    But what about books about your life? Why should strangers care about your childhood or what schools you’ve gone to?
    Or what about books on math or architecture or whatever. You can only be so imaginative while telling people about the history of Spain. Why should anyone read your book on it? It’s a real thing, there’s hundreds, thousands of books on it already.

    You have to have a bit of arrogance to be really good at it I think. A little more than just confidence to believe your writing of this particular topic is one worth reading, or that you’re worth knowing so intimately by so many strangers. And I don’t really think that’s a bad thing. Going forward knowing someone will care is a powerful thing.

    I guess this is on my mind because I started this, what’s technically kind of a blog, and I can’t help but think of Jenny Lawson, the bloggess.
    I found her in high school, and rediscovered her again here a couple years ago. I have one of her books, and have for a decade. It’s about herself. Her life and her experiences and her thoughts on things. I bought it without a second thought. I remember it making me laugh a lot, and I remember it making me cry.
    How did she do that? How does anyone do that? She’s got the ability to take her experiences and spin them into something that hits other people, and that’s incredible.

    I guess that’s why she’s the bloggess, huh.

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

  • OH DEAR

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    I have. Missed a few days. I had something I wanted to talk about (the page is in drafts so I didn’t forget), and then proceeded to sleep too long. I keep getting distracted or just forgetting.
    I still want to talk about the thing I originally had in mind, but not right now I think. It’s a little sensitive and while this is largely a private space, I’m sure that would be the Take to get someone’s attention. It has to do with gender and representation in media, and that topic can be volatile.

    For now, I suppose I’ll just talk about what’s on my mind instead.
    I’ve been thinking about Digimon a lot again. I don’t mind when these phases hit. Digimon is just, like, cool. It’s made to be cool. It’s tomagatchi for boys, you know? The whole POINT was to be cool, and they just keep delivering. They’ve never really stopped putting out new Digimon, and the designs range from several recolors of the same dinosaurs to an entire dragon made of guns.
    There’s Digimon that aren’t Digimon, but mutations because their hunger got away from them.
    There’s angels and devils and gods. Vampires and werewolves, witches and wizards and sages. Pokemon eat your heart out.

    Pokemon has a more pervasive presence throughout my life. It’s why I started drawing, and it’s indirectly how I met both of my partners. It’s been a bonding force for me and many of my friends.

    But Digimon gives me feelings like nothing else. It’s a tiny bit campy, emphasizing how cool it is while making fun of itself the whole way through. It’s unabashedly what it is, and letting myself sink into that space with it makes me feel like a kid. I think that’s the best way to explain it.
    When I showed my wife the amalgamated mess that is the American release of the movie, she spent more time watching me than it, amused by how into it I let myself get.
    I had it on VHS when I was a kid, and getting to share it with my partners now has been a highlight of my life.

    I had all sorts of little figures and several of the Digivolving toys and plushes. My best friend in elementary school, we’d talk on the phone a lot, and we’d let our lil’ Digimon toys “talk to each other”. I forget who my Renamon was dating of hers… I guess it doesn’t matter anymore.

    I have a lot of feelings wrapped up in this series. A lot of thoughts. I don’t know what the point of any of this was, but it’s fun to talk about the things I like.

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

  • COMPLETE

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    I struggle to finish things. It doesn’t really matter what it is. I know so many half finished stories, from books and video games. I wish I could blame the oversaturation of everything, with new things coming out every other day, but I’ve always been like this. I think about it sometimes.

    Maybe it’s because I was spoiled growing up, and could always get the next thing without having to finish the first thing.

    Maybe it’s because I was never taught how to deal with pushback, so when games got harder, I found something new. I don’t dislike hard games, mind you.

    Maybe it’s because I didn’t play any games that weren’t Pokemon games until I learned about World of Warcraft, and then I barely played anything that didn’t fall into one of those categories. The stories that did had to be about animals somehow, or I didn’t care enough.

    Maybe it’s because I have a fear of endings. If I don’t finish a story, the world continues on. I can still wonder, what ever happened to those guys, and not have the answers.
    My fear of endings isn’t exclusive to lives outside my own, either. An ending means change and it means loss and that’s terrifying. The end of a friendship, or the end of a life. The end of living in Colorado.
    I know it’s not quite the same. Life goes on, right. There’s not really such a thing as an ending. Lots of small ones, but… life goes on. In a game, or a book, there will always be an ending. I just have some level of control of when this one happens.

    I think it’s the pushback one.

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

  • I SHOULD TOUCH GRASS

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    I don’t really have any pressing thoughts right now, and haven’t done much of anything. I don’t have anything to post about, but I think it’s important I try to keep this habit anyways.

    Let’s see… I’ve been feeling a little distant from people lately. It really started when my computer was out of commission for a month or so. I have to ground myself in remembering the people I talk to are real people that really care about me.

    Maybe actual human contact outside the house would do me some good.

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

  • ON FURSONAS

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    I’ve been a furry my entire life, y’know. When i was a kid, all I wanted was games about animals, books about animals, stories about animals. I wanted to play The Dog at daycare when all the other kids were deciding which family member to be while playing house.

    When I was 13 or so, I stumbled on the furry fandom through Furcadia, which led me to Second Life, which led me to… well, who I am now. I’ve known a lot of people, heard a lot of opinions, and learned to love myself a little more through it all.

    Now… On fursonas.

    I saw a post a few years back on probably twitter, and it’s stuck with me. I think about it a lot. Someone was asking, if your fursona isn’t literally just you but as an animal, is it actually a fursona?

    I feel like that’s a very New school of thought, and one I do not want to see spread. I feel like the ability to be creative and imaginative is fading and needs to be held onto and fought for.

    Of course, “literally just you but as an animal” is a kind of fursona you can go with. My dog is more or less just that. It can be a very personal way to look at yourself.

    Sometimes, though? That’s too vulnerable for people and they want their fursona to be themselves but more. Something different and more in line with who they want you to see.

    Sometimes, it’s not about vulnerability. Sometimes it’s about the storytelling and the passion and the fun of it. A fursona can be a futuristic space traveling bird or a chipmunk that’s a werewolf or an interdimensional dragon.

    At the end of the day, the person you become friends with is the real person behind the fursona. Does it really matter how they choose to present themselves to the world outside that?

    If you’re gonna be a furry, have fun with it. Don’t play within arbitrary rules. Be creative. Be passionate. Have fun. Be weird.

    That’s it. Not so much a journal entry as thoughts, but. That’s fine, too, I think.

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

  • H3llo World!

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    Time for a website… time for a gallery. Time for a journal? Time for something new, regardless. Blogging can be good for people, I think. I try to not talk about my personal thoughts much. Socially is terrifying, and privately is exhausting after the fourth or fifth or sixth time. But this is something in between, isn’t it. It isn’t a conversation I’m having, and it isn’t private, either.

    I’ve always struggled with journaling. I never knew what to write. What am I supposed to write? I can follow prompts and answer questions just fine, but I’m not good at deciding on things for myself on my own. Am I supposed to talk about what I’ve been doing? Nothing, usually. I’m just waiting to be told what to do next. That’s no one’s fault but my own, mind you. Not anymore, at least.

    No one is stopping me from doing things. If anything, I have all the support a person could need. My wife is wonderful and she’s patient. We’ve been goin’ at this Together thing for a decade already, and she’s still here. She still loves me… I love her too, more than I know how to show her, and even that sucks.

    Anyways. I’m an artist, and I’ve never really brought in much money, so I’ve had to lean on her a lot, and she’s never pushed or forced or gotten angry with me.

    My partner is happy to encourage me in anything and everything I want to do. They know I can, whatever it is. I believe in myself a little more too, I think. If nothing else, they’ve given me that.

    I love the two of them so much.

    …

    What was I talking about? Oh, right, journaling.

    I don’t have people demanding I do things. I just… need to be told what to do. Growing up, I was encouraged to push my feelings down and just accept what I’m told to think. It wasn’t done in a demanding way, exactly. My mom weaponized guilt against me instead. Disagreeing made me ungrateful and selfish. Asking for things we couldn’t share was pointless. Eating on my own always turned into making a meal for both of us. Most of my clothes were hers, too. The first thing she said when she got me a laptop, was that she had chosen the design of the top of it because she liked it, and would be happy to take it if I didn’t. It was one of the Dell laptops with the really fancy artsy tops. Does anyone remember those?

    Um. I keep getting sidetracked, sorry. I think this is the most successfully I’ve ever written a journal entry though. It’s supposed to be just, thoughts, right? It didn’t devolve into me attacking myself. That’s good.

    I think that’s enough.

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +

    +